Bystander Apathy

Life can be consuming, rushed, exciting . . . or so boring and lethargic that we’re actually really busy being consumed by it. But what happens when we are so focused on our own lives and the lives of our family and friends, that we become apathetic to our wider community?

Every one of us is a citizen of somewhere, and I’d hazard a guess that most of us are a part of many communities, beyond our cities and towns, be that school, work, sports team, hobby club, or volunteer work. And yes, sometimes we just want to keep our head down and roll with whatever we are experiencing, be that something so incredible we want to savour, or so awful we just want to push through.

I believe Sir Robert Peel was right when he said, “Police are the public and the public are the police; the police being only members of the public who are paid to give full-time attention to duties which are incumbent on every citizen in the interests of community welfare and existence.” (Sir Robert Peel's Principles of Law Enforcement, 1829)

I feel we all have a responsibility to each other, including ourselves, to pay attention, to care, to avoid apathy or expect that someone else will notice something that needs noticing. It is important we all do our part, to keep our communities, and each other, as strong, safe, vibrant and healthy as possible. I wish we didn’t have tragedy as our teacher, but sometimes we do.

The following is an effective video to remind us of a somber reality when no one notices.

As always, thanks for stopping by. We’ll have another post next week.
Sarah and Dave

An Undercover Perspective: Matching Actions to Intentions

Throughout this project, I have listened to what Dave hasn't said as much as what he has. When we all listen to each other, when we notice the voice of the pauses, as much as we do the words, we hear that much more. As Dave recounted his time with an undercover street team, I couldn’t help but wonder about those moments of pause, as he replayed past experiences in his head, making sense of memories before sharing. We all have stories, and Dave racked up quite a few of his own during his three year tenure with the drug unit. He gained unique perspectives, one of which was just how different the public’s perception and attitudes towards various people within a community can be. It was a lesson he learned first hand. The following story shares a part of his experience.

It took about a year to really develop a look that masked the real me. My beard had grown long and straggly, hanging well down my chest. My ears had contained numerous piercings, and heavy metal icons adorned many of my shirts and hoodies. I learned what it felt like to be marginalized by my community. My children, by association, learned it, too.

My family and I were fortunate to live in a nice middle-class neighbourhood with pretty, luxury SUV-driving soccer moms around every corner. One particular day, my three-year-old son and I had been sent to run errands and pick up groceries for the week. Like any other day, we entered the store and went about our business selecting our eggs, milk, meat, and cereals. Happy, my son sat in the cart as we made our way through the store. As we turned down our next aisle I heard a young boy say, "Look at the guy, mom." My son and I both turned to see a young boy, with his well groomed mother, pointing at me. "Look at that guy, mom," he repeated, this time catching his mom's attention. As her eyes met mine I saw them widen, then an expression of fear or disgust flashed across her face. "Quiet," she answered him before they promptly fled the aisle. Without missing a beat my boy, realizing what had just happened, put his hands on mine and rubbed them, proclaiming, "You're the best dad ever, I love you."

That day stayed with me; my son's innate social wisdom and compassion, and the knee-jerk reaction of the well-heeled mom and her son. That response became our new normal. Whenever I was with my spouse and kids, at the zoo, the mall, or an amusement park, people stared. The judgement and disapproval were clear, those poor kids. When they saw the pretty brunette with me I can only assume those confused stares meant they were trying to figure out if she was my sister, or maybe my parole officer. I'm certain they never suspected she was my wife at the time.

Living that experience taught me many lessons. It made me much more empathetic towards the marginalized and disadvantaged. In the past I had often thought, “Why can't these folks get jobs? Why aren’t they working? Why is he wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants?” Now I know that's easy to say if you are a person who knows the proper undergarment layer order, or you have an appearance that is inviting instead of off-putting, or you just naturally know how to walk tall and speak eloquently. I also now know first hand that if you are not those things, some in society may devalue and judge you harshly. From what I experienced, you must also care for yourself if you wish to have others care for you, too. Like it or not, first impressions count. And if we are to control how we wish others to view us, then we must match our actions to our intentions.

Thanks for joining us on this leg of the journey. We appreciate you tuning in. We’ll have another post next week.

Until next time,
Sarah

Just Because You Can, Doesn't Mean You Should

Policing has taught me that there are very few certainties in life and just because we can do something doesn't mean we always should. Our actions, even if by-the-book, can have unintentional yet still incredibly damaging consequences to people. Discretion is an intangible, perhaps that is why it is so often under estimated, but it is a powerful tool that when applied judiciously, allows us to make wise, thoughtful decisions that can make a significant, positive difference in people's lives. Discretion allows us to mindfully go about our business and problem-solve at our best, not just when it is easiest.

Policing 101 teaches us that when it comes to the management of witnesses, it is a best practice to keep them separated until each has had an opportunity to speak with investigators. Sound logic in a lot of cases as it avoids the potential for contamination of their statements, their evidence. In many cases police witnesses do not have to be eye witnesses. In homicide cases, most people who provide information are actually providing evidence of the back story. Witnesses may have information around the last time they saw the victim alive or the circumstances in the victim's life like problems they may have been having with people or criminality they may have been involved in. With that said, what happens when several of our witnesses are also victims of the crime? Should the rules learned in Policing 101 still hold true?

photo credit D. Sweet

Several years ago I was involved investigating an extremely sad and brutal murder.  A mother of four, and one of her children, were found dead in their family home. The husband and father of the two victims discovered the bodies and immediately called police. Upon arrival to the scene, the husband was brought in by us for questioning and to hear his backstory. The surviving children, who were all in school when the murders occurred, were also brought in for the same purpose. Once at the station, each was to receive the news about their mother and sibling's passing. It was at this moment that it became the discretion of our officers on how best to do this. Should investigators bring the family members together for the delivery of the news, or should each be told separately? For me and the other investigators in my unit, this was a no brainer. But it does go against the established processes of procedural controls pertaining to witnesses. Does that really matter? I didn't believe it did then and I don't believe it does now. The empathetic and compassionate choice was to tell everyone together and then speak with each one separate afterward if that could have been possible, which of course in this case it wasn't.

How do we know we made the right decision? Imagine the outcome if discretion wasn't applied or picture the headline in tomorrow's news. In this same scenario, each child after being told the awful truth was left to deal with it on their own in a room sobbing and wailing with a stranger they had never met before.

Does the use of discretion this way affect the investigation in the short term? It does. But regardless of this fact, in this case and those like it, putting others before ourselves trumps everything and I am blessed to work with a group of people that see it that way too.

Thanks for checking back in. We’ll have another post next week.

Dave


"Lessons from Dad"

A year ago I was sitting around a pool in Palm Springs, California, watching my kids play and reflecting on life. They have always had a lot of questions about my job. This career has always provided opportunities for me to reflect both on my own success and family, and to realize how lucky we are. So many go through tragedy, strife, and any number of unfortunate circumstances. My kids live in a world where they are provided the things they need, and a lot of the things they want. I wished to share with them and in some part teach them the understanding of what others go through, as well as the lessons many of these situations have taught me. I considered writing a book that talked about these things, lessons from Dad that they could go to as they grow older.

I began the process of outlining ideas:
"staying out of dark places keeps you safe,"
"just because you can do something doesn't mean you should,"
"not everyone lives behind white picket fences,"
"always leave people in a better place then you found them."

These became the building blocks of what has now become the draft manuscript for Unconventional Classroom. As this book has come into focus, additional themes and content have been added: practical lessons pertaining to ethical decision making models, selling life sentences, the power of social influences, project management, and leadership to name a few.

Now a year later, I am pleasantly surprised how far the book has come. With the help of co-authour Sarah Graham, who I am grateful for and required to help me temper the realities of writing real life, I have found myself cathartically reflecting back over my eighteen plus years and have come to realize that damn, I have learned a lot.

We have almost finished writing this book that I believe represents the many facets and lessons living a career in policing teaches. I also hope we have written a book that my peers, my Service and I will be proud of, and that also captures a different side to what people may think "cops" actually are.

I look forward to the book’s completion, recognizing it is definitely a balancing act to find time to do so. Once it is finally finished and out, I hope it will be a launch pad for other opportunities such as public speaking, and who knows, maybe even a sequel.

But first, we must finish. So it's back to writing and editing those finishing touches. Thanks for checking in.

Dave